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Mama Circle: Breastfeeding Advice
Monday, September 24, 2007

In the comments section of my last post, Kristen asked some very important questions about breastfeeding, so I decided to start a Mama Circle where moms can chime in with loving advice for a mom who has never breastfed before and who is giving it serious thought.

Here are Kristen's questions:

I would love for an experienced mother to explain why breast fed babies seem to still be at the breast for so long? Is there some added benefit in long term breast feeding? Is it harder to wean? I work outside of home, and this is the one thing I remain apprehensive about in making my decision.I would appreciate some feedback

Gretchen already shared valuable advice. What advice do you have for Kristen?

Labels: mama circle

posted by Jennifer James @ 5:14 PM,

17 Comments:

At September 24, 2007 6:01 PM, Ewokmama said...: (I have been reading for months but this is my first comment. Love your blog, J!)

There are so many ways Kristin's question could be answered. A breastfeeding relationship is entirely dependent upon the mother and child. I think the simplest answer is this: the benefits of breastfeeding do not stop at 1 year of age. The immunity benefits continue, the emotional benefits continue, and breastfeeding is especially beneficial in filling any gaps in a child's diet (i.e. breastmilk is a great way to make sure that your picky toddler who only wants cheerios continues to thrive!).

Many women stop breastfeeding past a year, and start offering other types of milk. Still others think, "Well, I've been breastfeeding this long, what's the big deal about continuing for a few more months?" We just do what feels right for ourselves and our children.
At September 24, 2007 6:18 PM, Aly Cat 121 said...: I'm not really sure on what Kristen's definition of "long" is? As I see it, breastfed babies don't nurse any longer than a formula fed baby. Meaning a formula baby may still get a bottle well past a year as a breastfed baby would nurse well past a year. So I'm kinda unclear as to what she's actually asking?
At September 24, 2007 6:43 PM, Eilat said...: Kristin, first congratulations on your pregnancy! It is so wonderful that you are thinking about breastfeeding your new baby. This is the best time to start preparing for breastfeeding, before the baby comes. Gretchen was totally right in her comment. The first few weeks can be really hard, but it is a breeze once you get the hang of it.

I know so many women, friends of mine, who wanted to breastfeed but by the first, second or third week gave up. The first few weeks will challenge you and you will be tired and sore and tempted to scrap the whole thing. That is when loving support from (first and foremost) your husband and family and friends is so crucial. I think the make-or-break scenario for a lot of women is having someone stand by you and tell you that you are doing the right thing and to stick it out a little longer. By 4 or 6 weeks you'll be nursing like a pro and the thought of preparing a bottle or packing a diaper bag with food and ice will seem crazy!
The key is to get support and to get help when things seem tough. Get the phone number for your local la leche league leader. You can call them, for free, at ANY TIME. 2AM is the time you need advice? you can pick up the phone and get some.
I dont mean to make breastfeeding sound like a nightmare. It isnt! Nursing my son has been the greatest joy of my life. But like anything new, practice makes perfect and neither you nor your baby have ever nursed before ;-)

About the weaning, I can only say that every mom chooses to wean on her own schedule. Some women decide to stop at a year, (its rare but...) some BABIES lose interest around a year. The thing about nursing into toddlerhood that is good to remember is that babies grow one day at a time. So, maybe at 11 months he didnt seem ready to wean and each day that passes you re-evaluate. Soon you may find yourself at 2 years and still nursing. Most moms dont plan it. Think of breastfeeding as a MUTUAL relationship. When one person is done, then its time to stop. You are part of that relationship, which is what makes it so special.

Finally, you asked about whether weaning is hard. I think its like any developmental stage in a child's life. Sleeping through the night, maybe sleeping in their own bed if you are co-sleeping, potty training, and on and on. I recommend being gentle about it and taking your time. And of course, your support system can help you with weaning as well.

Best of luck to you!
At September 24, 2007 8:34 PM, Dianna Hobbs said...: Hi Kristin!

The ladies who posted comments have already shared such wonderful advice. I breastfed all four of my children and the experience was great each time. None of them were ever diagnosed with ear infections, and very rarely did they get sick while nursing... so I highly recommend it.

Whatever length of time you choose to nurse is entirely up to you. My children were weaned at around one year; however, it varies from mom to mom. Only you can determine what's right for you.

The great thing about breast milk is that, as the baby's needs change, so will your milk. They'll be healthy and happy!

As your little bundle grows, you can add fruits and veggies to help them explore new tastes and textures. The key is to gradually introduce different varieties. Then, as the baby grows comfortable with eating,you'll find it easier to wean him/her off the breast.

You and the baby will be just fine :-)
At September 24, 2007 10:35 PM, Elizabeth F. said...: Wow! Most of what I was going to say has already been said. The comments here are so right on!

I want to add that when most people think of an 18 mos old baby nursing (or older) they are thinking round the clock, every 2-3 hours and at night. Older babies and Toddlers do not nurse like newborns. I am still nursing my newly 2 yr old and have nursed my other kids as well. I have weaned 2 of them, so I know that it can be done! LOL. By 2 yrs. my boys only ask to nurse 1-2 times a day. Usually right before bed and first thing in the morning. I chose to Night Wean my boys when they were around 20 mos. old. I found it to be very easy, easier than I had thought it was going to be.

I had a friend once tell me that there are manners associated with eating, whether it's at the breast or at the table! It stuck with me. She meant that your body has to be respected and you have a say of what goes on. You can continue to nurse as long as you like on your own terms. There's a great book called "How Weaning Happens" and it talks about different methods of weaning your baby. Good Luck!
At September 25, 2007 9:25 AM, Mamaebeth said...: I have been thinking about weaning alot lately, probably because my nursing toddler is 28 months. I continue to nurse because my son continues to need milk as a part of his diet.
if your child is still drinking milk as a necessary part of his/her diet, then they aren't weaned. A three year old drinking cow's milk from a cup several times a day is no more weaned than a 3 year old who is nursing. There is also an emotional component to weaning, but just the nutrional needs of children require most of them to consume mother's milk for years not months. In the US we transfer them to cow's milk, but the nutrional need for milk is the same. I don't think BF babies spend any longer at the breast than most children drink cow's milk.

i second eilat, "Think of breastfeeding as a MUTUAL relationship. When one person is done, then its time to stop. You are part of that relationship, which is what makes it so special."

I second the recommnedation on "How Weaning Happens" and i also recommend "Mothering your Nursing Toddler".
At September 25, 2007 10:01 AM, Paula said...: Hi Kristen and all mamas,

When I was recently pregnant with my first born son, I had a goal of 6 months of breastfeeding. It was a rough start because he didnt latch strong...however I stuck with it and am SO very glad that i did! A good point here...is if you want to nurse your baby, then plan ahead to stick with it IF the going gets rough in the beginning...because it can be so easy to give into the formula temptation when you are tired and the boxes are coming to your house by mail for free! Anyhoo....

I made it to 6 months...and almost stopped because I had AF returned and my nipples were so tender and he was biting a bit bc of the teething...but again...i am SO happy i stuck it out bc it really does just get easier and easier..and the rewards continue to grow!

At a year...I decided what the heck? I really enjoyed the time we had together cuddling and gazing into each others eyes with love and adoration. Plus I had a wonderful doctor tell me to nurse as long as possible for the health benefits..which was encouraging!

People will ask you...how long are you going to do that? I have no answer. He is now 14.5 months old...and we are both still enjoying the process. Sure there are moments when its not all bliss...but overall it is BLISS indeed!

I love what the other ladies said..and stand by their advice. My recomendation to you...is do learn all about the benefits ahead of time, make a decision, stand by it if at all possible, get lactation help in the beginning! support groups at your local hospital can keep you going (it did for me), and then enjoy the ride! For me...its one of my most meaningful and precious experiences in life.

GOOD LUCK Kristen! You are on the right track.
At September 25, 2007 5:45 PM, Pixie LaRouge said...: Before my daughter was born, I was going to "try" to nurse. We had a rough start, and people kept telling me "it's okay if you can't." Now, I have NEVER accepted the word "can't." So I did. Period. It was hard at first, but I did it. So I hit my first goal of six weeks.

My second plan was to nurse until 6 months. But then I read the AAP's guidelines of "one year." So I said "fine. One year."

Something a friend said to someone else who was planning to wean at a year hit me, though, and has stayed with me. "On what day does the milk go bad? Is it day 365 or 366?" Well, duh. It doesn't. It's NOT the same milk, though. It changes to meet changing needs in the baby.

The immunity properties concentrate as the baby nurses less, so they're still getting the same amount of disease-fighting white blood cells in a day that they were before they started nursing fewer times a day! It's more packed with nutrients, to keep building strong children, even as that child needs more nutrients. Breastmilk is amazing stuff :)

Plus, nursing until she self-weaned at two had an added benefit: when she would have a toddler meltdown, I had a way to make it better, instantly. As she grew and developed, we learned other ways to interact, but we still had that nursing bond to fall back on when we just couldn't find another way to relate. When she weaned, I knew I had met all those needs, and that our relationship had developed past the "baby-mother" stage and into "child-mother."

She's off to kindergarten, and we still learn new ways to relate, every day. With each new stage, though, I try to gently leave it the same way we weaned, gradually, not getting rid of the connection until new ones are there to replace them.

I'm nursing my second now, and I plan on self-weaning with him, too.

A friend of mine who worked from the time her baby was 6 weeks old recently self-weaned. She pumped until 9 or 10 months, when the baby was getting food from other sources, but still nursed at home in the evenings and on weekends. How old is her baby now? Nearly 3! And they both made it!
At September 25, 2007 6:27 PM, Jennifer James said...: Thank you, everyone for such lovely advice -- it's just what an expectant mom needs.

I hope we can do a Mama Circle again soon.
At September 25, 2007 8:26 PM, Kristen said...: Wow!!! I am so overwhelmed at all the support and thoughtful advice you have supplied myself us. This is the first time I have gotten actual ADVICE!!! You have also helped to explain why breast feeding doesn't have to stop at one year. I think the reason most bottle fed babies are encouraged to quit at one year is because of baby tooth decay. This hadn't occured to me before I read your posts here, I haven't heard of a single case of "breast baby tooth decay":) I can actually apply things from every post to my resolve, and I feel like for the first time, it isn't the scariest thing! Thank you!!! I hadn't not even heard about "la leche league," and I can't wait to get "How Weaning Happens" I, more than anything, feel more empowered to go forth and be sucessful this time. I take so much comfort in knowing that if I am ever overwhelmed and tempted to give up that there is an entire world of caring mothers that have not only given their all to their own babies, but are so quick to help another mom do the same! Jennifer, I want to personally thank you, and tell you that it means so much that you are so dedicated to your cause, that you dedicated an entire forum to answer an anxious moms questions. Thanks again, I can't wait to submit my own pictures of my little man nursing!!! :)
Thanks!
Kristen!!!

P.S. To everyone who responded with first hand acounts of how your babies haven't been sick or had ear infections, this will be my ABSOLUTE NUMBER ONE reason to continue through the rough first weeks. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I was unsuccessful at breast feeding my oldest son, who, despite living in a smoke free environment his entire life, and eating a diet rich in antioxidants, has had allergies and ear infections every year since birth. This season, his poor little immune system had a near fatal fight with the season change. Last night, we had to rush him to the emergency room, with respiratory distress ans a 101 temp. He has a mild case of phenomenia, and asmatic like symptoms. (Asthma, BTW doesn't run in my genepool, nor his fathers.) He is feeling alot better today, he was released this evening breathing alot better. However, I have NEVER felt so afraid. He had three consecutive breathing treatments that still couldn't regulate his breathing, or his oxygen level. He was almost admitted to ICU. I can't help but wonder how much stronger his immune system could have been had I been supported in my efforts to nurse. I won't be dissauded this time. Again, this advice could not have come at a better time for me and my famiy.
At September 25, 2007 8:26 PM, Kristen said...: This post has been removed by the author.
At September 26, 2007 12:15 AM, roslynholcomb said...: I have always been quite tenacious, and I think that's the only reason I was able to nurse my son. I had breast reduction surgery in 1993. I was told I'd most likely be unable to nurse, but I was determined to give my son what I could. I'd been very ill the last three months of my pregnancy with nausea so bad I had to go on bedrest. I also had a c-section and lost two liters of blood. My milk supply was almost nonexistent when I first started, and my son was (and still is) a big, greedy boy.

But armed with herbs (blessed thistle and fenugreek), and drugs (domperidone––not available here, but you can get it), I worked extra hard. I nursed on demand and pumped in between. It seems like it took no time at all before I had a full supply. I couldn't believe it. I nurse for 18 months until I had to go back on arthritis medication. It was astounding.

Nursing is wonderful and natural, but not always easy. But if you stick with it, and reach out for help you will find a way. I was on a board for women who were nursing after breast-reduction surgery, and their motto was 'Don't quit on the day you want to.' That got me through some really trying times, and will help you too.
At September 26, 2007 12:17 AM, roslynholcomb said...: Oh, and my little guy is healthy as a horse. One of the reasons I wanted to nurse is that allergies run in my family big time. They've made me miserable all my life. He probably gets half the number of colds most kids get, and he's never had an ear infection, and he's 3 years old. He's never been to the doctor for anything but well baby check ups. Nursing is no guarantee, but I'm convinced it helps.
At September 26, 2007 11:18 AM, Jennifer James said...: I am so glad this advice helped and I am so sorry to hear about your little one.

By the way -- apologies for spelling your name wrong. I changed it in the post.

All the very best!
At September 26, 2007 12:03 PM, The Bear Maiden said...: I breastfed my son for 2.5 years. I pumped when I went back to work at 3 mths pp, and pumped till he was a year. After that, I didn't pump but we nursed morning and evening, and a good portion of the night. By two, he was only nursing at bedtime, and at 2.5 he stopped of his own accord.

The benefits: 1.) Toddlers can be EXTRAORDINARILY picky eaters, and since I knew he was nursing, I didn't have to stress quite so much about what he ate or didn't eat.

2.) Didn't have to wean him off of a bottle... saved his teeth.

3.) He's had ear infections but they rarely last very long, and he RARELY gets sick. When he does, he's down about 2 days at the worst, and when I catch what he had it knocks me out for a week. So I know he's got a strong immune system.

4.) He is EXTREMELY secure, because one benefit of long-term nursing is baby knows Mama will sit and take time and attention. You can't prop a nursing baby up with a bottle and continue on with your life. You must sit and pay attention to your kid...

For what it's worth, I never planned on nursing past a year. The thought even "skeeved" me, if you really want to know. But when he turned one, I couldn't imagine not giving him mama's milk, and then turn around and give him cows milk to fill in the diet gaps. That was just illogical. And he was so healthy and chubby and good natured. Now he's healthy and skinny and good natured :) But that brings me to another benefit:
5.) It seems that breastfed babies are less likely to be obese, largely because they nurse until full, and satisfied on both nourishment and attention, they don't substitute other things, like food or treats, for fulfillment.

If you plan to nurse for any length of time, and you have to work, you probably have to pump, so I HIGHLY reccomend joining the PumpMoms.

Many of those women, myself included, get so attached to the love and support on that list, that when they stop nursing they "graduate" to the Ex-Pumpingmoms list. This list is invitation only, and the invitation is extended once you unsub to Pumpmoms.

I'm still on the EPM group :) 7 years later :)

Good luck!!!!
At September 30, 2007 2:03 AM, Kristen said...: This post has been removed by the author.
At September 30, 2007 2:50 AM, Kristen said...: Thanks Bear Maiden, I will check out PumpMoms ASAP. I have already been researching the best options for pumps, so I am sure the blog will help so much.
I do want to say however, as one of your added benefits you listed your son is secure b/c your son knew you would "sit and pay attention"...and that you have to "pay attention to your kid" when you brestfeed.

I can't help noticing, the idea of "proping your baby up with a bottle" runs prevalent in the minds of some breastfeeding moms, and I just want to set the record straight- that I NEVER propped my son up with a bottle, I have never even heard of this practice until reading it on this blog. Even as he learned to walk, he still enjoyed coming to sit and have his bottle. In fact, I loved feeding him as much as I am sure I will enjoy nursing. :) Without a doubt, it is one of my fondest memories of his infanthood. Just wanted to dispel the misconception that all bottle fed babies are neglected emotionally. My primary reason at this point to breast feed are the superior health benefits to my baby. But anyway...

Thanks again for all the great advice! And thanks for your concern for my son, he is doing so much better, thankfully. (And its OK about the spelling of my name, Jennifer, happens all the time!!) LOL